Wife & Kids

Linda and I watched a movie the other day that was one of those that stick with you.  “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”  The movie was very meaningful and had a lot of good lessons to learn, but I want to just point out one.  If you haven’t seen it, then don’t be mad when I tell you how it ends.

Let me go back to my childhood for a bit.  I am so grateful to my parents for how they guided me when it came to choosing good friends.  When I was 11 or 12, my mother told me that I could not hang out with a certain friend any more.  I was a little upset at the time, but looking back, she was very wise and discerning in her choice of friends for me.  When I was 14, I found two guys that I still call good friends.  Granted, I might not talk to them much anymore, but I know they would do anything in their power to help me through any situation, and I would do the same for them.   Carl and Brad became like brothers to me during high school.

I talked to Brad the other day (that is old person talk for 3 or 4 weeks ago)….it was like we hadn’t missed a beat….

Haven’t talked to Carl in a while….Carl, if you read this….I probably wasn’t the friend you needed there for a while, and for that I apologize…..

As we have taken our kids around the world in the past 10 years, we always tell them when we leave some place that they will always have those friends.  I remember praying for our kids while we were in Brasil; we always prayed for God to give them good friends.  I remember moving here to South Carolina; we prayed for God to provide them with good friends…..He has.  As we think about our next place to serve, Linda and I are praying for friendships for them that will last forever.

Getting back to the movie…one of the boys in the movie shows what a true friend is.  He decides to step into his friend’s world….walk in his shoes…  The other boy was a young Jewish boy in a Nazi concentration camp.  Do you have friends that you would die for?

I am not encouraging my kids to go and die for their friends, but what a lesson.  Do you know who your kids are hanging out with?  Do you know who they are calling friend?  Get involved….. don’t apologize for “helping” your kids pick their friends……

Do your children know that you care who their friends are?

Have a great week!

Hope you had a great holiday weekend.  I love celebrating the 4th of July because it helps me remember how important it is to pray for our troops year around and not just on “special” days.  What I love too, is the fact that all the food is calorie free on holidays (isn’t it?)….not that I ate that much.

I got to spend some “alone” time with Linda over the weekend…we had a great time.  I love being with her, it makes me realize how blessed I am to have a companion for life that loves me in spite of all my faults and weaknesses.  My 14 yr old, Noah, and I were talking in the car the other day about the different types of love.  It is sad that the English language has one word for love….”love”.  Noah asked me about “Agape” love.  I can honestly say that Linda has that for me….I just pray that I show her that I love her unconditionally, as well.  I told Noah about the “Eros” love; the kind I have for your mother, I told him….he didn’t want to know any more about that…as I am sure you don’t either.

As I reflected on this, I though about Friday, July 3rd…that was the day that Linda and I spent together.  July 3rd was the day my parents got married in 1960.  This would have been their 49th wedding anniversary.  As you probably know, my dad died 25 years ago, when I was 18, and my mom died in December of 2000.  I cannot express how thankful I am that I was able to grow up in their home.  They taught me a lot of things, but I really think one of the most important things my dad taught me was this: “Love your wife, and give yourself for her…”  You see, he did that…I watched him.  I watched him work hard for his family, I watched him love his three kids, but, I also watched him treat my mom like a queen….that is a legacy by which I want to be remembered.  Yes, he treated my mom very well, but he also treated others with a kindness that is unparalleled these days….”Christlike”….is the term.

OK, some of you may be thinking that I am making my dad out to be a saint.  That is common for people to do after they lose a family member, spouse, child, etc.  Well, I know he wasn’t a saint ( Although, I think my mother probably was…), but it is healthy for me to take a look at his life and learn from the good that he did.

What will people say about you when you are gone?

The following statement is taken from TLC  Jon & Kate plus 8 website:

During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation. Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many.

I must admit that I came home the other night anxious to see what was going to happen.  The funny thing is that I had never watched the show before,  just heard about it from friends and family.

I just want to make a comment or two about this.

I hope I don’t ever come to the point in my marriage or my parenthood and say…”during this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family.”  I pray that everyday I focus solely on the needs of my family.  How are you doing with that this week?

I don’t know anything about Jon or Kate; I didn’t watch the show.  But, I do know this:  Whatever the issues, whatever the problems, whatever the future holds for this family…..the kids (8 of them) are the ones who stand to be affected the most by the decision of the parents.  Was it the lure of the money involved that caused this whole situation?  I can’t help but think that there were underlying issues long before the cameras came around, but who knows.

Parents, don’t let the lure of money affect the way you bring up your children.  Is it ultimately worth it to have a nicer house but see your kids only on the weekend?  Is it worth it to be able to give your kids all the things that you think they “need”?  When your kids move out and go to college, what will you look back and say?  Will you say, I wish they would have had more things……or will you say, I wish I would not have spent so much time with them?  I know that sounds stupid, but think about it….what are we showing our kids with the way we work and try to “provide” for them?  What do they need for them or us to say that we are “providing” for them?

OK, I am on a soap box….  I just can’t stand seeing some of the parenting that I see from day to day…..strong I know, but life only goes around once, our kids are only at home for a little while, and then they move on…..

What will you give your kids?  THINGS?  or YOU?

I had the best meal the other night…I got to take my wife to Outback…We had a giftcard…Don’t you love giftcards?  You can go somewhere you probably would not otherwise go…..I think that may have been my 3rd time to ever go to Outback…Anyway, Linda and I had a nice meal…the bloomin’ onion thing…wow….One of those times you are glad your wife is eating onions too…you know we were on a date…and there was a good chance I was going to get to kiss her, eventually….Okay..TMI

When is the last time you got to use a gift card that someone had given you?  Have you ever had one that you let expire?

God gave me a gift card when he sent Linda into my life 21 years ago and I am determined to use what He gave me and enjoy it while I can…. You never know when you might not have that special someone around anymore.  God gave me a Dad for only 18 years…I am glad to say that I used the time I had with him as much as I think I could have.  He gave me a mom for 33 years and I tried to use my time with her as well as I could.

God has given me a wonderful wife and 3 spectacular children…. Outside of my relationship with God, they are the most important things in my life.  I will not let them stay in my wallet like a gift card that is forgotten about and never used…. I have credit, I have 4 gifts someone (God) gave me.  I intend to use them as much as I can.

Saw a movie yesterday (Imagine That)with Karli (my 11 year old girl) and Linda and one of Karli’s friends.  Eddie Murphy (a decent Eddie Murphy movie)  was portraying a dad that did not have his family life in its proper perspective, but by the end of the movie..he realized that he had been given a gift…

I sure hope you have people in your life that you see as gifts….

So, if you are wanting to give away any gift cards, I like Outback…

OK..for all of you that have been dying to see what I would write next…here goes….

Last week was monumental in the Shelton Family.  Little John graduated high school, Noah finished middle school, and Karli finished elementary school.  Something is wrong here…why would we plan to have three kids that would achieve these monumental periods in their lives at the same time….You are right…we didn’t plan it that way.  I can say this…emotionally, for me, it was one of the most rewarding yet difficult times I think a parent can face.  But, those of you that know me know that I don’t really ever get emotional. ***tongue in cheek here***

As Friday of least week got here, Linda’s mom & dad and her sister and brother-in-law all got here as we were preparing to celebrate Little John’s graduation.  We are all cleaning up after we had a lite lunch and I go into Little John’s room…..I was not expecting him to be wearing his cap and gown yet, but he was…I LOST IT….My firstborn son standing there in a graduation cap & gown (with honor cords on I might add).  Wasn’t it just yesterday we brought him home from the hospital….all worried that he would catch something from all the people at church that wanted to hold him…. I went back to my room and started thinking about when I graduated from high school…a few years ago……If my mom and dad were half as proud of me as I am of John….WOW….then I cried…sure wish my mom and dad could be here to see this…something tells me that they were….

Noah…going to high school in the Fall…..

Karli going to middle school in the Fall…..

John starting college in the Fall…..

Gee…what do you say?

I told Linda the other day that I loved her even more than Peanut Butter.  For those of you that know me, that is saying something.  My marital relationship, besides my relationship to Christ, is the single most important thing in my life.  Sorry kids, I have loved your mother long before you were born, and it is because of her that you are here.

I love getting home from work and seeing the kids after they have been in school all day and asking them how their day was….

You know what I love more than that?  I love getting home from work and seeing Linda…sometimes I even ask her “Who’s your daddy.” (OK, I admit, you probably didn’t need to know that)

I read a study this morning on what makes women happy in their marriage.  www.happiestwives.org

According to the research that Wilcox and Nock have done, the top predictor of a woman’s happiness is her husband’s emotional engagement.
What does that mean guys? It means listen to your wives, express appreciation AND affection, spend quality time with them. Date your wife: OK, Linda if you are reading this we need to go on a date next week when school gets out.
Don’t worry people, I will call her and officially ask her out….she likes that…
As I referenced in my last post, the kids are going to grow up and be gone from the house one day….I don’t want to have to reintroduce myself to my wife after they leave…I want to be so attached to her emotionally that we can pick up right where we were after our latest date night.

After I told Linda about her being #1 on my list–even above Peanut Butter, I asked her if she loved me more than Dark Chocolate….she hesitated a bit, but told me what I wanted to hear…..She loves me more than dark chocolate and I make her happy…

Have a great week!

I talked to my oldest son on the phone a few minutes ago and almost cried when I hung up the phone.  He is through with school.  Besides graduation next week, he will never have to go to school again.  I am thankful he has chosen to go on to college (although, his mother and I STRONGLY suggested it).

Just want to take this opportunity I have to tell those of you reading this how proud I am of my firstborn son.  I am extremely proud of all 3 of my kids, but we are only graduating one from high school this year (gosh, what would we do if we had twins?)

John, if you read this, I want you to know how proud we are of you.  You have grown up to be a gentle, kind, caring, and Godly young man.  Some girl is going to be blessed when she marries you (don’t worry about that any time soon).

Always use the talents God has given you to serve Him.  Thank you for teaching me so much about what it means to take a stand for what you believe.  Thank you for being such a good example to your younger brother and sister.  Keep your eyes on Jesus….the “author and finisher of our faith”…..

Parents, I will say it again:  Cherish the time you have with your kids.  Because, before you know it they will be graduating from high school and moving on.  Instill Godly character in them.  Teach them to say “thank you” and how to respect their elders.  Tuck them in bed at night so they fall asleep knowing that you love them.  Read to them when they are young and then listen to them read to you when they are older.

Before you know it…there will be another man in the house.

Have a great week!

Ok, so yesterday my wife and daughter get to church and I see what my daughter is wearing and I about pass out…

First, let me say that I leave the house early on Sunday mornings (usually before everybody has showered and gotten dressed) so I never know what anyone is wearing to church until they get here and I see them.  Ok, now that being said, my 10 year old daughter was wearing a dress that Linda (my wife) wore to a yacht party we went to when we were serving in Brazil.  I’m not going to go into detail about the dress, but I remember seeing Linda in the dress that night of the party and thinking to myself….”Wow John,  how did you land such a babe?”

No problem…it’s perfectly normal to look at my wife in a pretty dress and think that I got the better end of the deal.

Well, to see my 5th grade daughter in that dress yesterday morning…I thought I was going to pass out….SHE LOOKED WONDERFUL (stay away boys)  My little girl is growing up…she can’t be…I won’t let her (stay away boys)!!!!

I had the same feeling yesterday morning as the day that Karli came home after getting her long, beautiful hair cut off……I CAN’T BELIEVE IT…….Lord, please don’t let my little girl grow up…..

Parents…….WAKE UP……our kids are growing up…they will be out of the house before you know it….cherish the time you have with them….

By the way, I won’t begin to tell you the feeling I have that our youngest son is going to high school next year and our oldest is graduating from high school in less than 3 weeks…..

Somebody catch me….I think I am gonna pass out…..

Have a good week!!!!

John

Thank you for all the kind things that many of you said about my mother.  Mother’s Day for us was a great day….I love my wife….she is such a good mother….(No, I am not trying to score points)

Thought I would give you another thought or two today.

Linda and I are going to see Casting Crowns this Thursday night.  One of the songs they sing is called “Slow Fade”  If you haven’t heard it, youtube it.  Be careful little _______ what you ________.   That is the gist of the song.  Fill in the blank!  Ears, eyes, feet, mouth.  Hear, see, go, say.

We must be warriors for our kids.  There are people that will help us look after our kids, but, nobody but a parent is going to do whatever it takes for our children.  The song says that people do not crumble in a day, it takes a while.  But, when we allow our children to hear, see, go, and say the things that will tear them down, eventually our children will crumble….whether it be addictions or unhealthy lifestyles.

Parents, we have to monitor what our kids watch, where they are going, who they are hanging with, and even the language they are using.  The hard part about that is this:  THEY ARE WATCHING US!!!!   We must set a good example.

What about when your kids spend the night with someone…do you know what they are watching there, do you know what is going on at that house?  Not trying to scare anyone, just trying to get you think about the possibilities…..

Our homes, our marriages, our children…..the foundations of these three are being challenged.   The challenges won’t often come as a wrecking ball….they come more often as termites.  The termite can ruin a structure before anyone realizes.  Spray your marriage and your children for termites….don’t let the little things of life eat away at the foundation of what you are trying to teach your children and how you are trying to love your spouse……

Have a great week,
John

Before I say anything, I want to say that my children have been blessed with a mother that loves them and watches out for them in a way that I (as a man) will never understand.  Thank you God for Linda…..
Although I love being with my wife on Mother’s Day, I do not really enjoy Mother’s Day anymore.
It was about 8 and a half years ago my mother died. Many will tell you that she was one of the sweetest people they had ever met.  She loved her Savior,  she loved her family, she was a wonderful wife, and she was a great example of what the Christian life should be….(read Proverbs 31).

I remember one weekend when I was still in high school that my mom & dad had gone to my aunt’s house.  They got home on Sunday night and I remember asking my mom to come into her room so that I could talk to her.  I had never really missed my mom as much as I did that weekend; it was just two days, but God gave me a special appreciation that weekend for my mother….maybe it had something to do with the fact that I had burned our dinner.  Nah!  My mom and I prayed together that night and I thanked God for the mother he gave me.

That was 25 years ago, but I remember it well.  My mother prayed for me.  She prayed that I would turn out right (still remains to be seen), prayed that I would have a great marriage (I have the best), prayed that I would be blessed with children (have the 3 best kids a dad could hope for), and that I would always strive to follow after the will of God in my life (still trying).

Thank God for MOMS.

Since today is the National Day of Prayer, I wanted to give you several websites that give you ideas on how to pray for your kids…..thanks for praying for me, mom!

http://www.deacondanwright.org/2009/01/31-ways-to-pray-for-your-kids.html

http://www.richmondacademy.org/parents/twelve_ways_to_pray_for_your_child.htm

http://www.christianitytoday.com/momsense/2002/summer/3.34.html

http://www.compassion.com/sponsordonor/prayerpartner/waystopray/default.htm