Just want to take a few lines here to tell those who read this that I am one of the most blessed men on the planet.  You see, I am married to one of the most kind-hearted, servant hearted, and tender-hearted people who I have ever met.  OK, you say, she is going to read this and you are just trying to get on her good side.  WELL, NO!  I believe my wife is an incredible gal.

For one, she married me and puts up with my selfishness and stubbornness on a daily basis.  She sometimes even lets me think that I am always right.  Guys, you know you envy me for that.

Kind-hearted:  She genuinely tries to make people feel like they are worth something.

Servant-hearted:  If she something that needs to be done, she is going to do it…no matter what the task.

Tender-hearted:  Not only does she cry at movies, she cries at the previews…I’m usually right there crying with her.

Yes, I married an incredible gal!  And yes, I am getting kind of teary eyed as I write this.  You see, I always heard it said that guys tend to marry someone like their mother.  Well, mom was a lot like my wife.  No, not perfect, but always trying to encourage people and see the good in people while trying to serve them and love those who might seem to be unloveable

Happy birthday, Linda!

I love you so much and I thank you for how you love God, me, and our kids.  You are an incredible gal and I am blessed to call you my wife and my best friend.  Hope your day is a great one!

Daddy

Where is the body?  The rulers and skeptics asked.

He is not here, He is risen, just as He said”   …the angel proclaimed.

“I won’t believe until I can put my hands in the nail scars”…Thomas doubted.

How will you respond to the risen Christ?  You can’t deny it happened….  He was seen by many eyewitnesses after he rose from the dead…historical fact!

Will you embrace the fact that Jesus came to give us life?  Or, will you be indifferent and live your life as if there is no one to answer to.

You see, one day we will all stand in judgment….  It won’t be based on how good of a person you were, how often you went to church, how much you gave to the needy….  It will come down to one question:

How did you respond to Jesus…  Did you embrace Him and accept Him and follow him?  Or, did you try to do it on your own.

Easter…what a great time to give your life to Christ and quit trying to do it yourself.

He didn’t stay dead…He came back to life to give us eternal life…all you have to do is accept His gift of eternal life…..

IT’S  A FREE GIFT!

As I was reading through Exodus chapter one this morning I remembered a message I heard while I was in seminary.  The speaker talked about the mid-wives who were told by Pharaoh to kill any male babies that were born to the Hebrews.  The Hebrew nation was getting so large Pharaoh began to fear that they would eventually take over.

Working in children’s ministry reminds me weekly of what it is like to hold the future.  Yes, ultimately God holds the future of the children we work with, but he trusts me to take care of them.  This includes my 3 biological children, as well as the children who are involved with the ministry I get to do week to week.

Did God need the mid-wives to be able to continue the Hebrew nation?  No, but he entrusted the care of the Hebrew nation to them.  The mid-wives followed God and the Bible says they were blessed.  Because God was able to trust the mid-wives with the Hebrews, they were blessed with families of their own.  Faithful in small things opportunity for greater things.

What can we learn from this?  Plenty…God gives us small tasks to accomplish sometimes to see if we are going to be able to be trusted with a much larger task.  This includes our own children…  In what ways am I being faithful to the small task of raising my family?  God may be waiting for me to be faithful in this small area to give me a much greater responsibility.  You might say, Wait a second, raising children is already a great responsibility?   Yes it is, but what if God has something greater he wants you to do, something which requires a major step of faith….

Who knows?

I want greater things…I want to be trusted for those greater things…I must be faithful in the small things…How are you doing with the small things?  How are your mid-wivery skills?

I have a lot to learn!

1. Meaningful Touch
2. Spoken Words
3. Expressing High Value
4. Picturing a Special Future
5. An Active Commitment

Each one of these brings its own mental pictures when we, as parents, begin to think through how we are attempting to raise our kids.  You might have been raised in a home that displayed each of these 5 elements or you might have been in a home where there were none.  Let me suggest something:  Don’t let your past negatively affect your future with your kids…whether you are about to become empty nesters or you haven’t started your family.  As I have said before, start now…no matter where you are in life.

I’m not going to attempt to go through each one of the 5 elements, but I do want to give some thoughts on a couple of them.

What kind of words do you use with your kids.  You might say, ” I’m not harsh with my words” or “I don’t have to tell them all the time that I love them…they know it”.  To both of those comments I say…”FOUL”   Just because you aren’t harsh doesn’t mean you are kind…pick your words carefully…kids remember what you say, kids remember how you respond to them.  See Proverbs 15:1 and 23.  When your kids grow up and move away, will they ever say this:  ” My parents told me they loved me too much”  NO!!!  Tell them…Deuteronomy 6 them…tell them when you are at home, on the road, when you lie down, when you wake up.  I think I can say for a certainty that you will NEVER regret telling your kids how much you love them…or, speaking words of encouragement into them…

Does anyone else see that these ideas can be put into practice with our spouse as well?

I think I get preachy sometimes when it comes to talking about raising kids and being married…well, guess what?  I’m a man and I need to be reminded of most of what I write…but ladies, you are not off the hook…you need to be reminded as well…

What do you value?  Do you value your time with your kids, your time with your spouse?  Tell them how valuable they are to you.  Don’t let the years go by and your family not know how valuable they are to you.  That goes for your friends, too.  Last year I hurt one of my friends by some of the things I said.  I apologized, but I did not communicate with them for quite a while…was I showing them how valuable their friendship was…no…if you value something, you let that object of your value know it…take my Taurus for instance…I don’t value it very much…I haven’t washed it in a long time…I’m sure it feels undervalued…Do your kids,spouse or friends feel that way…like you don’t value them?

Let them know!

I value my wife…don’t know where I would be without her.   I try not to assume that she knows that…I try to tell her.  She may even read this…

LINDA…I VALUE YOU… I LOVE YOU…

JOHN…I VALUE YOU…I LOVE YOU…

NOAH…I VALUE YOU…I LOVE YOU…

KARLI…I VALUE YOU…I LOVE YOU…

Enough said!

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I remember quite a few years ago when a mother told me that her son was in trouble and looking at jail time.  She then asked me what she and her husband did wrong in raising him.  I think this question is asked by a lot of parents.  What did we do wrong?  Why are they acting like that?  Why are they not in church?  In general, most people that read this blog still have children at home…let me help soothe some of your anxiety.

What is your goal as a parent?  Please don’t make that goal be one which requires a perfect child at the end.  There are no perfect children, just as there are no perfect parents.

Eph 6:4 says to “bring a child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” KJV,  “training and instruction” NIV, “discipline and instruction” NAS.  I think that most translations of this verse do not really grab the essence of what the original language tried to convey.  OK, I know this is starting to sound like either a sermon or a seminary class, but I think it is important to see that “nurture” might better be translated “structure your child’s mind and actions on child-rearing principles that are of the Lord.”  In other words bring them up on Godly principles, help them wrap their minds and actions around those of Jesus….teach them the truth in love, correct them when they need it, comfort them when they need it, discipline them when they need it, but do it all based upon a biblical framework.

So, why am I trying to say all this?  Simple, I want to assure parents that the end goal of parenting is not to create perfect children that then become perfect adults.  God had problems with his first two children (Adam & Eve), they in turn had a little issue with Cain and Abel.  Sin does that to people.  We make bad decisions. (cf. Gilbert Arenas)

The Barna Group and LifeWay research both show that after the age of 18 approximately 60-70% of children are “dropping out of church”.  My personal opinion on that is that we as parents and we as the church must live out our faith in a real fashion.  Parents, admit to your kids when your wrong, tell them you made a mistake, ask them for forgiveness, learn through the process.  Church, BE REAL!!!!

I had a mother tell me a few weeks ago that her 6 or 7 year old child would not do something that she needed him to do.  I sure wanted to say…”Oh, is he in charge?”  But, I held my tongue.  Probably good that I did.

First, to the guys who need to buy something for their wives or girlfriends (hopefully you don’t have both).

Here are some rules:

1. When in doubt, go down a size.  Do I need to explain?
2. Never give a gift that suggests your spouse is not perfect. No unsolicited exercise equipment, self-help books, wrinkle cremes or nose-hair removers.
3. Appliances and cookware are ok, ONLY if she asks for them
4. Don’t even think about a gift that you will get more enjoyment out of than your spouse.  Probably don’t need to explain this one either.
5. When all else fails, at least try to create memories.

Ok, now let’s talk about your kids!

Is it possible to spend less on what your kids don’t really need and spend more on things they will remember?  This works for us..may not work for you until your kids get older, but…..

When we lived in Brazil we decided to quit buying as many gifts at Christmas and start trying to make Christmas more memorable.  Like I said, this is a lot easier when your kids get older.  A 5 year old has a hard time understanding “No, Timmy…we aren’t getting presents this year…we want to create memories.”

So far our Christmas memories include a hot springs hotel for 4 days, Christmas dinner with Shamu, a four hour guided trip through some underground caves in Chattanooga, and the Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge, TN.  One of the cool things is that if you think far enough ahead you can get a lot better price for everything than if you call and reserve everything in December.

Ask our kids…I don’t think they will say they have really missed getting a whole lot of gifts.  We do still get a few things, but we don’t overdo it and we really try to focus on what the holidays are all about…chilling out, relaxing and spending some great time together.

I would give anything to make that Christmas trip to Granny’s house this year….I remember going to my Granny’s house for Christmas…

CREATE MEMORIES…..You won’t regret it and you don’t have to worry whether or not it fits or if they will like what you got them……

Merry CHRISTmas!!!

John

I am thankful for:

• The God of the universe who cared enough about me to send Jesus to die for me….will I ever be able to comprehend it?
• The perfect mate for me…My wife is an incredible partner and an absolute mother of the year every year.
• Three children who are healthy and already have a love for the Lord that goes beyond what a parent could hope for.
• A place to work where I get to see lives changed.  It is my job, but I don’t look at that way…It is the incredible ministry that God has given me….I get to see children learn about Jesus week to week.
• A brother and a sister who, although they have seen their share of difficulties in life, choose to follow Christ.
• A legacy left by my mother and father…a legacy that says…put your trust in God and love Him and your family with everything you have.
• Friends who encourage me, build me up, and teach me how to be a friend.

Thanksgiving…wow!  My oldest son, John, has started college this semester.  It brings back a flood of memories about my college days, but mostly it reminds me of my first Thanksgiving after starting college.  I had been going to Liberty University and was able to fly home for Thanksgiving (someone from my home church in Texas had paid my way).

That year at the Thanksgiving table is one I will never forget. WHY? Because there was an empty place at the table that year.  My dad was not with us that year.  He had just passed away on Oct 30th and Thanksgiving and Christmas for me would never be the same.  With that on my mind, I couldn’t help but think of my son and his first Thanksgiving as a college student.  All five of us will be together this year–what a blessing!

Look around the table today…is someone missing?  If they are, no matter where they are, across the country with their in-laws, maybe in another country as missionaries, or maybe in heaven.  Don’t forget to thank God for the relationships that he has given you.  Even if those relationships are a little bit soured or troubled…Use this time to begin a healing process of restoring those relationships.  I seriously don’t see how you could ever regret trying to heal a hurt or forgive someone in your family who you feel has wronged you.  Everyone knows that family issues can be the hardest ones to fix….but try…

Thank God for whoever is sitting at your Thanksgiving table this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

John

What can I say!

I unpacked some book s in my office this morning and found an “Utmost for His Highest” journal.  It was cool to go back and look at some of the things I had written 9 years ago. Here is what I wrote on July 3rd 2000.

“Today my parents would have celebrated their 40th anniversary.  What an awesome marriage they had.  Thank you God for allowing me to have a Godly example in a marriage to follow.  Thanks Dad for loving Mom so much and treating her like the queen at our house.”

Wow, I can only pray that my kids will be able to say the same about me one day.

Guys, if you don’t treat your wife like a queen..YOU ARE WRONG….”Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church”

Ladies, if he is not treating you like a queen, start trying to treat him like a king…..when he realizes that you are doing that he might start seeing you as a queen…after all, If he is a king, then his wife is the queen.

I remember my youth pastor’s wife always saying…..”When I get mad at him for something that he has done, I duck and let God hit him”.

I guess there may be a little wisdom in that.  I have talked to a couple of friends lately that have come to realize that marriage is not some easy task that will work itself out…IT TAKES WORK…….DAILY !!!!!!

Yes, I have a passion for strong marriages and strong families.  Without those two things, the children coming out of those families will be weak and hurt.  Work on it….your marriage is worth saving….it is worth so much that God established it….don’t short change yourself….you can work it out…..but only if you are willing to work at it….

My wife treats me like a King…..I pray that she feels like the queen I think she is……

Have a great week!

Wow, since I last wrote a lot has happened:

1. We have moved to the capital city of South Carolina.
2. Our three kids have all started at a new school.
3. I have driven back and forth from Anderson to Columbia (2 hours) at least 10 times.
4. The four of us have moved into an apartment…haven’t been in an apartment since 1993.
5. We left Anderson and left Little John at college…wow that was hard.
6. I have become a twitterholic…like anybody really cares what I am doing throughout my day.
7. I have lost 45 lbs.
8. I have painted, swept, sanded, taken up tile, emptied trash, moved furniture, and put children’s toys together.
9. I have a new appreciation for church planters.
10. I have a new admiration for my kids..they have been through a lot, but they are troopers.
11. And, I have received an enormous amount of encouragement from my soul mate…Linda is incredible…..

OK, I lied on one of the previous 11 statements; see if you can figure out which one.

Now really…life has been quite an adventure for our family in the last month, but God is blessing us and showing us some great things.

On September 27th, we will be a part of the launch of a new campus. NewSpring Columbia.
I never dreamed that this is what I would be doing, but I love it and have had some great opportunities lately to invite people to church.

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JAShelton

Have a great weekend!

John

The boy decides that communicating with his mother will be for his own well-being. Can you imagine if your kids would understand that before they move out of the house? I don’t know that I ever understood what it was like to really communicate with my mother until I had children of my own. You see, when you get to a point where you understand how your parents were raising you and how much they love you, you want to communicate. I’m not saying that I never talked to my parents about life and its struggles, but I don’t know that I understood why it was so important until later in life.

I remember a late night conversation I had with my parents about trust. I had done something that I regretted and I had to go to them to talk about it. Boy was it hard to see that disappointment in my parents eyes. We talked through it and the conversation ended like this: “Well son, you are going to have to regain our trust after this.” Wow, that hurt! But, I learned a lot about talking to my parents and how important that was that night.

So my question to you parents is this…..Do you foster an environment that makes it easy for your kids to talk (communicate) with you? Do you make yourself available? Do you ask about their dates (and we all know they shouldn’t date until they are 25)? Do you talk about who their friends are and how their friends act…yeah that was another blog?

Back to the movie…once the boy told his mother he was ready to start communicating, he was able to move on with some of the issues in his life that were troubling him. Maybe that is your child. Maybe they are experiencing something so radical or so scary that they need your ear….listen….they aren’t always looking for answers….sometimes they just want you to listen….that could be the start of a great line of communication. You will never regret communicating with your kids….some day (God forbid) you may not be able to.

So what was the problem that the boy in the movie was having? He sees dead people…..you know the movie?

Have a great week!