Wife & Kids

Read a great article today about parenting.  I’m gonna try to sum up what I got out of it in less than 2000 words.

I remember quite a few years ago when a mother told me that her son was in trouble and looking at jail time.  She then asked me what she and her husband did wrong in raising him.  I think this question is asked by a lot of parents.  What did we do wrong?  Why are they acting like that?  Why are they not in church?  In general, most people that read this blog still have children at home…let me help soothe some of your anxiety.

What is your goal as a parent?  Please don’t make that goal be one which requires a perfect child at the end.  There are no perfect children, just as there are no perfect parents.

Eph 6:4 says to “bring a child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” KJV,  “training and instruction” NIV, “discipline and instruction” NAS.  I think that most translations of this verse do not really grab the essence of what the original language tried to convey.  OK, I know this is starting to sound like either a sermon or a seminary class, but I think it is important to see that “nurture” might better be translated “structure your child’s mind and actions on child-rearing principles that are of the Lord.”  In other words bring them up on Godly principles, help them wrap their minds and actions around those of Jesus….teach them the truth in love, correct them when they need it, comfort them when they need it, discipline them when they need it, but do it all based upon a biblical framework.

So, why am I trying to say all this?  Simple, I want to assure parents that the end goal of parenting is not to create perfect children that then become perfect adults.  God had problems with his first two children (Adam & Eve), they in turn had a little issue with Cain and Abel.  Sin does that to people.  We make bad decisions. (cf. Gilbert Arenas)

The Barna Group and LifeWay research both show that after the age of 18 approximately 60-70% of children are “dropping out of church”.  My personal opinion on that is that we as parents and we as the church must live out our faith in a real fashion.  Parents, admit to your kids when your wrong, tell them you made a mistake, ask them for forgiveness, learn through the process.  Church, BE REAL!!!!

I had a mother tell me a few weeks ago that her 6 or 7 year old child would not do something that she needed him to do.  I sure wanted to say…”Oh, is he in charge?”  But, I held my tongue.  Probably good that I did.

With Christmas next week, I just had to write something about gift giving.

First, to the guys who need to buy something for their wives or girlfriends (hopefully you don’t have both).

Here are some rules:

1. When in doubt, go down a size.  Do I need to explain?
2. Never give a gift that suggests your spouse is not perfect. No unsolicited exercise equipment, self-help books, wrinkle cremes or nose-hair removers.
3. Appliances and cookware are ok, ONLY if she asks for them
4. Don’t even think about a gift that you will get more enjoyment out of than your spouse.  Probably don’t need to explain this one either.
5. When all else fails, at least try to create memories.

Ok, now let’s talk about your kids!

Is it possible to spend less on what your kids don’t really need and spend more on things they will remember?  This works for us..may not work for you until your kids get older, but…..

When we lived in Brazil we decided to quit buying as many gifts at Christmas and start trying to make Christmas more memorable.  Like I said, this is a lot easier when your kids get older.  A 5 year old has a hard time understanding “No, Timmy…we aren’t getting presents this year…we want to create memories.”

So far our Christmas memories include a hot springs hotel for 4 days, Christmas dinner with Shamu, a four hour guided trip through some underground caves in Chattanooga, and the Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge, TN.  One of the cool things is that if you think far enough ahead you can get a lot better price for everything than if you call and reserve everything in December.

Ask our kids…I don’t think they will say they have really missed getting a whole lot of gifts.  We do still get a few things, but we don’t overdo it and we really try to focus on what the holidays are all about…chilling out, relaxing and spending some great time together.

I would give anything to make that Christmas trip to Granny’s house this year….I remember going to my Granny’s house for Christmas…

CREATE MEMORIES…..You won’t regret it and you don’t have to worry whether or not it fits or if they will like what you got them……

Merry CHRISTmas!!!

John

Well, here is my list!

I am thankful for:

• The God of the universe who cared enough about me to send Jesus to die for me….will I ever be able to comprehend it?
• The perfect mate for me…My wife is an incredible partner and an absolute mother of the year every year.
• Three children who are healthy and already have a love for the Lord that goes beyond what a parent could hope for.
• A place to work where I get to see lives changed.  It is my job, but I don’t look at that way…It is the incredible ministry that God has given me….I get to see children learn about Jesus week to week.
• A brother and a sister who, although they have seen their share of difficulties in life, choose to follow Christ.
• A legacy left by my mother and father…a legacy that says…put your trust in God and love Him and your family with everything you have.
• Friends who encourage me, build me up, and teach me how to be a friend.

Thanksgiving…wow!  My oldest son, John, has started college this semester.  It brings back a flood of memories about my college days, but mostly it reminds me of my first Thanksgiving after starting college.  I had been going to Liberty University and was able to fly home for Thanksgiving (someone from my home church in Texas had paid my way).

That year at the Thanksgiving table is one I will never forget. WHY? Because there was an empty place at the table that year.  My dad was not with us that year.  He had just passed away on Oct 30th and Thanksgiving and Christmas for me would never be the same.  With that on my mind, I couldn’t help but think of my son and his first Thanksgiving as a college student.  All five of us will be together this year–what a blessing!

Look around the table today…is someone missing?  If they are, no matter where they are, across the country with their in-laws, maybe in another country as missionaries, or maybe in heaven.  Don’t forget to thank God for the relationships that he has given you.  Even if those relationships are a little bit soured or troubled…Use this time to begin a healing process of restoring those relationships.  I seriously don’t see how you could ever regret trying to heal a hurt or forgive someone in your family who you feel has wronged you.  Everyone knows that family issues can be the hardest ones to fix….but try…

Thank God for whoever is sitting at your Thanksgiving table this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

John

We were in Wal-Mart in Anderson this last weekend and saw someone we knew and she said to me….”I miss reading your blog…”  I told her that I have been busier than normal and I will get back to it.  I have missed writing and I am going to try to get back to my once a week or once every ten days routine of blogging…

What can I say!

I unpacked some book s in my office this morning and found an “Utmost for His Highest” journal.  It was cool to go back and look at some of the things I had written 9 years ago. Here is what I wrote on July 3rd 2000.

“Today my parents would have celebrated their 40th anniversary.  What an awesome marriage they had.  Thank you God for allowing me to have a Godly example in a marriage to follow.  Thanks Dad for loving Mom so much and treating her like the queen at our house.”

Wow, I can only pray that my kids will be able to say the same about me one day.

Guys, if you don’t treat your wife like a queen..YOU ARE WRONG….”Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church”

Ladies, if he is not treating you like a queen, start trying to treat him like a king…..when he realizes that you are doing that he might start seeing you as a queen…after all, If he is a king, then his wife is the queen.

I remember my youth pastor’s wife always saying…..”When I get mad at him for something that he has done, I duck and let God hit him”.

I guess there may be a little wisdom in that.  I have talked to a couple of friends lately that have come to realize that marriage is not some easy task that will work itself out…IT TAKES WORK…….DAILY !!!!!!

Yes, I have a passion for strong marriages and strong families.  Without those two things, the children coming out of those families will be weak and hurt.  Work on it….your marriage is worth saving….it is worth so much that God established it….don’t short change yourself….you can work it out…..but only if you are willing to work at it….

My wife treats me like a King…..I pray that she feels like the queen I think she is……

Have a great week!

Some of you may have missed my words of wisdom and some of you may be glad you got a break from my witty words, but either way I have decided to get back at it

Wow, since I last wrote a lot has happened:

1. We have moved to the capital city of South Carolina.
2. Our three kids have all started at a new school.
3. I have driven back and forth from Anderson to Columbia (2 hours) at least 10 times.
4. The four of us have moved into an apartment…haven’t been in an apartment since 1993.
5. We left Anderson and left Little John at college…wow that was hard.
6. I have become a twitterholic…like anybody really cares what I am doing throughout my day.
7. I have lost 45 lbs.
8. I have painted, swept, sanded, taken up tile, emptied trash, moved furniture, and put children’s toys together.
9. I have a new appreciation for church planters.
10. I have a new admiration for my kids..they have been through a lot, but they are troopers.
11. And, I have received an enormous amount of encouragement from my soul mate…Linda is incredible…..

OK, I lied on one of the previous 11 statements; see if you can figure out which one.

Now really…life has been quite an adventure for our family in the last month, but God is blessing us and showing us some great things.

On September 27th, we will be a part of the launch of a new campus. NewSpring Columbia.
I never dreamed that this is what I would be doing, but I love it and have had some great opportunities lately to invite people to church.

Follow me on twitter:

JAShelton

Have a great weekend!

John

Watched a movie the other night that I have seen at least 7 or 8 times. Of all the lines in the movie that could captivate me, it was this one that I want to write about: “Ok mom, I’m ready to start communicating”. Most of the movie is over before the boy says this to his mother, but it is definitely a turning point in the movie.

The boy decides that communicating with his mother will be for his own well-being. Can you imagine if your kids would understand that before they move out of the house? I don’t know that I ever understood what it was like to really communicate with my mother until I had children of my own. You see, when you get to a point where you understand how your parents were raising you and how much they love you, you want to communicate. I’m not saying that I never talked to my parents about life and its struggles, but I don’t know that I understood why it was so important until later in life.

I remember a late night conversation I had with my parents about trust. I had done something that I regretted and I had to go to them to talk about it. Boy was it hard to see that disappointment in my parents eyes. We talked through it and the conversation ended like this: “Well son, you are going to have to regain our trust after this.” Wow, that hurt! But, I learned a lot about talking to my parents and how important that was that night.

So my question to you parents is this…..Do you foster an environment that makes it easy for your kids to talk (communicate) with you? Do you make yourself available? Do you ask about their dates (and we all know they shouldn’t date until they are 25)? Do you talk about who their friends are and how their friends act…yeah that was another blog?

Back to the movie…once the boy told his mother he was ready to start communicating, he was able to move on with some of the issues in his life that were troubling him. Maybe that is your child. Maybe they are experiencing something so radical or so scary that they need your ear….listen….they aren’t always looking for answers….sometimes they just want you to listen….that could be the start of a great line of communication. You will never regret communicating with your kids….some day (God forbid) you may not be able to.

So what was the problem that the boy in the movie was having? He sees dead people…..you know the movie?

Have a great week!

I have accepted a ministry position with NewSpring Church to become the Children’s Director for the new Columbia Campus that will be launching in the very near future. I cannot begin to tell you how excited we are to begin this new journey. God has opened some amazing doors for us in the past 6-8 weeks and we are stepping through them and moving to Columbia, with a goal of making the name of Jesus famous one life at a time in the state’s capital.

I will be working with a campus pastor (Alden Ellis) and a worship leader (Stephen Cope) and am blessed to be partnering with these two guys; they are ready to see God work in great and mighty ways. We have already heard from people that are ready to jump and volunteer in the ministry down there.

Pray for all 3 of our families as we relocate and team together to make the name of Jesus famous in Columbia.

Have a great week!

Check out Alden and Stephen’s blogs!!!!

www.aldenellis.com
http://stephencope.blogspot.com

72 years ago today in Brownfield, a small town in Texas, a little boy named William Claude was born to Ruth and Virgil Ray.  As he grew up, some called him Willie, some called him Claudie, some called him Bill.  I called him Dad!

Bill Shelton was one of those people you sometimes say this about:  “He never met a stranger”.  Bill died on October 30, 1985 at the age of 48….too young.  I remember talking to my dad about his mom and dad; they divorced when he was in his early teens ( I think that is right).  My dad quit school after 9th grade.  My dad got married to my mom in 1960.  They left home to become missionaries not long after that…they never made it to the mission field.  My dad went to floral design school and my mom went to Draughn’s Business College.  They opened a flower shop in 1965….my sister still has it…..tell her you talked to me I’m sure you will get a better deal….hahaha!!!!!

Why the bio?  My dad would have been 72 today.  I don’t understand why he died at such an early age, but I do know this:  God’s plan is perfect and as I look back over the past 24 years since my dad died, I see God leading me in a direction that I’m not sure I would have taken had Dad still been alive….  As I have stated in a past blog, I know my dad was not a saint, but he was the best dad in the whole world….he loved God, he loved my mom, he loved his three children, and he tried to be kind to everyone he met (that is close to sainthood in my book).

I hope and pray that my kids will look back some day with the same fond and indelible memories of me loving them and spending time with them as I do when I think back to my relationship with my dad.

Not sure who said it:  “Any man can be a father, but not every one can be a daddy”.

My prayer for you guys, and myself:  “Help me be a daddy.”

Here’s to you William Claude Shelton……

Thanks for teaching me to be a daddy……

Have a great week!

Gonna stray from the usual topic this time.

We have some friends that asked us to dog sit for the week.  Before I go on, let me just say that Linda could dog sit for a living if there were a huge demand for it…especially when the dog is as cool as this one…..a beautiful 8 year old Golden Retriever.  Yeah, Jake has a few little weird habits and idiosyncracies, but he is cool.  When we were over at  the house Sunday afternoon with the owners, they were telling us about all the little things he does and how he likes to go in a certain door and out a certain door, depending on the time of the day.  One thing the dog owner did tell us to watch for was that Jake might get nervous and/or sick since his master was gone for the week.  He said that he might act weird or not respond well to us since he would be missing his master.

Well, what a great analogy for the Christian life.  Just as Jake is longing for that daily relationship with his master, do you long for the daily relationship with your Master?  You know if Jake did not have a relationship with his master it would not matter that his master was going to be gone for a week.  Thing about our Master is this:  He doesn’t ever leave us….

I hope that you have such  relationship with God that when you stray from Him you get nervous or sick.  No, God does not have the electric collar around us so that we get shocked when we step outside of the boundaries….but, God loves us so much that when we stray or go outside the boundaries, He hurts.

Maybe I will get back on topic here in regard to my kids.  What if someone created a “kid collar”?  It would shock them if they went where they were not supposed to go or did something they were not supposed to do…..guess that wouldn’t be right?  I may try to figure out something like that when boys start thinking about asking my little girl out……

Have great week!

Linda and I watched a movie the other day that was one of those that stick with you.  “The Boy in the Striped Pajamas”  The movie was very meaningful and had a lot of good lessons to learn, but I want to just point out one.  If you haven’t seen it, then don’t be mad when I tell you how it ends.

Let me go back to my childhood for a bit.  I am so grateful to my parents for how they guided me when it came to choosing good friends.  When I was 11 or 12, my mother told me that I could not hang out with a certain friend any more.  I was a little upset at the time, but looking back, she was very wise and discerning in her choice of friends for me.  When I was 14, I found two guys that I still call good friends.  Granted, I might not talk to them much anymore, but I know they would do anything in their power to help me through any situation, and I would do the same for them.   Carl and Brad became like brothers to me during high school.

I talked to Brad the other day (that is old person talk for 3 or 4 weeks ago)….it was like we hadn’t missed a beat….

Haven’t talked to Carl in a while….Carl, if you read this….I probably wasn’t the friend you needed there for a while, and for that I apologize…..

As we have taken our kids around the world in the past 10 years, we always tell them when we leave some place that they will always have those friends.  I remember praying for our kids while we were in Brasil; we always prayed for God to give them good friends.  I remember moving here to South Carolina; we prayed for God to provide them with good friends…..He has.  As we think about our next place to serve, Linda and I are praying for friendships for them that will last forever.

Getting back to the movie…one of the boys in the movie shows what a true friend is.  He decides to step into his friend’s world….walk in his shoes…  The other boy was a young Jewish boy in a Nazi concentration camp.  Do you have friends that you would die for?

I am not encouraging my kids to go and die for their friends, but what a lesson.  Do you know who your kids are hanging out with?  Do you know who they are calling friend?  Get involved….. don’t apologize for “helping” your kids pick their friends……

Do your children know that you care who their friends are?

Have a great week!